Why

“Why is it that I can’t get over this.”

I cheated first, long ago. I shouldn’t have but you were living miles away and someone came around who was closer. I was foolish then. And I admitted to that mistake. A mistake you shoved in my face for years to come.

Then you did it. We had been married now for a while. But you wanted the divorce. A divorce I never wanted. I knew what was in my heart. But you never saw that.

We fought. Constantly. Over things trivial at best and redundant at worse. I moved out, you got worse. Selfishness, greed. That boy you had then could have never amounted to what I had tried to build with you.

Then, months later, your tears falling on the floor of a courtroom. Delayed by two weeks, the hearing that would begin our divorce in earnest. Not even twenty four hours later I was the one taking you away from someone hell bent on destroying everything you had left.

We canceled the divorce ten months ago, living together once again and yet… I still can’t get over what had happened. Sometimes, just sometimes, I feel you are still going behind my back. Far too often than not, I wonder what is really going on while I’m away at work.

But it’s wrong. You had taken strides to prove to me that what I feared was happening was all in my head. Why can’t I just let go…

But I will have to, before it destroys us again…

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