Barstool Conversations Collection

​March 20th, 2016

“The drunks are gone.” She said.

“Well, not gone as in dead or missing, just out of the bar.” Don’t remember why she had to clear the air on that one. But when I look into her eyes and smell her breath, I could tell.

“Wait, what was I saying?” She looked around unsteadily, slightly swerving. She had to hold herself up with a hand on the bar top.

“I think you had a bit too much to drink there, lass.” It’s true, she wasn’t filling my cups right anymore.

“Bartender gratuity should remain in cash, not alcohol. Remember that.”

“Who said what now?” She stammered. Guess this is how the night would end.
March 21st, 2016

“Why is the rum always gone?” He stares at an empty glass he has lifted. The same glass he had for some time. Another full glass sat next to it.

“Cause you have been staring at an empty glass for an hour?” Crass as always, my favorite lass.

“Riiiight, and is that why my fingers are twitching?” His eyes are fully glazed over, no way he was driving home tonight.

“Okay, Sparrow, I think you’ve had enough for tonight.” Smart call. Now just to wait for her to fill my glass, again.

“Bah, always with the jests, wench. Le’ see you try and stop me!” He slips a large bill, probably too drunk to realize it, into her tip jar before storming off to another bartender, empty glass in hand. I slide the full one in front of me, not a single nip out of it. Rum might not be my favorite, but it’s a good second.

March 22nd, 2016

“Sit down lass, you going too fast.”

“Never is too fast when we’re this busy, my friend.” A quick smirk, slight feisty one, cross her red lips.

“Then lemme tell ya somethin.”

“Not another of your fanciful tells, I hope!”

“I’ll listen.” I chime in.

“Lass should be more like ya, stranger.”

“I’m in no hurry to get anywhere.” Was true, had all night to drown my sorrows this time.

“Aye, if only more people were to think that way these days, m’ friend. But aye, be a decade ago today that I first arrived in this gods forsaken bar. The lass was probably a wee thing back then, but the one behind the counter then was this beauty that no man could ever dream of.”

“Oh, you mean Shiela?” I had been coming here longer than he had.

“Nah, I mean her twin! Of course I mean Shiela! Gods got no manners in men these days… Where was I…”

“Talking about Shiela the first day you ever stopped here?”

“Right, right. Aye, she was a fine Lass, something this ‘ere wench could never be in her prime. She was a sweet one on me, too, if ya know what I mean.”

October 2nd, 2016

“I wonder why the room keeps spinning.” He shuffled uneasily, spilling a bit of his vodka.

“Maybe it’s because you’re drunk?” I had to open my mouth, maybe I was drunk this time.

“Thought it was that little two-step spin play, there.” The bartender spun around once or twice, a bit of delight lighting her usually grim face.

“Maybe it was, lass. But I can’t tell. How bout another drink?” 

“How bout tomorrow, last call is over.” Shut down. I always smiled at her unusual coolness.

October 9th, 2016

“You know, just gotta love the atmosphere here. It’s definitely friendly, albeit busy.” The man swayed slightly, nearly slipping on the drink he was spilling on the floor. I have been here plenty of times, and this time was definitely different.

“Have you ever been here before?” I had to ask, sipping gingerly from my glass. Had been a bitter day.

“Nope, I usually stay at my hole in the wall on the other side of town.” The lass behind the counter turned and grunted at him. “Maybe ya need to return to your hole, bud.”

“Aye, gotta love them hole in the walls. Their bartenders get drunker than the customers!” I snorted, he was wreaking with brew by this point.

“Is that true?”

“Bet your sweet ass they do, but are faster at slapping a grabber than any bouncer is to nab them.”

“I wouldn’t suggest to do so here, neither, my friend.” The lass behind the counter would knock him into next week.

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